


Wood Anemones

by insomniacscribbles



Series: Memories [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cute, Depression, F/M, Fade to Black, Female Hange Zoë, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hanji-Has-A-Fever, In Medias Res, Life Partners, Lots of Angst, Love, Memories, Neat Freak Levi, No Manga Spoilers, OOC a bit maybe?, One Shot, One True Pairing, Oneshot, Possible S4 spoilers?, References to Depression, Romance, Scientific Explanation, SliceOfLifeKinda??, levihan - Freeform, long descriptions, lovebirds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-26 20:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacscribbles/pseuds/insomniacscribbles
Summary: it takes place after the first invasion of marley. hanji falls ill due to overexertion, and levi is there to watch out for her -- but it stirs up some things they've long left in the past.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë
Series: Memories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2222067
Comments: 11
Kudos: 96





	1. Anguish

**854, shortly after landing on Paradis**

The quiet growling of the arriving airships filled the otherwise serene district of Trost. It was no night for celebrations as neither of them could rejoice in the one-sided destruction they have doomed Marley with. The little information they’d based their assault on was just as premature as it was thoughtless, and Hanji knew for sure disaster would follow Eren’s deeds, causing the further downfall of the little island they’ve called home, Paradis. Violence begets violence, and the impulsivity they’ve slaughtered thousands of people with was like as if they were digging their own grave.

To clear some things up, she’s decided to have a talk with Eren in the confinement of his prison cell, but it didn’t take her anywhere. Instead of easing her worries, only more seemed to arise.

Under the khaki green long coat she wore, there was the brand new equipment of the Survey Corps which consisted of trifling iron plates, structured similarly to the leather straps they used to wear to adjust their balance while using the 3D manouver equipment, only this version was designed for combat against humans. The aspect of agility and dexterity their old uniforms enjoyed diminished, instead, strength and durability took over. The form-fitting black cotton attire clinged to their bodies like a second layer of skin, offering both warmth and stealth for their wearer. The combination of their old and new uniforms forged a way for them to be both flexible and durable, while assisting in unexpected scenarios ahead. When her eyes wandered to her chestplate, the Wings of Freedom stared back at her almost mockingly. It was Hanji’s own design, yet for some reason, treading in the set felt considerably heavier by the minute - probably it was just the years catching up to her, though.

Leaning against the wooden door that opened to the basement, a troubled sigh escaped her throat.

“Why did you ever make me Commander...?” Hanji breathed, holding her head in pain, “Erwin... This was your one mistake.”

“Oi.”

Thanks to being absent-minded, floating somewhere out in the space, she didn’t even notice Levi approaching.

“Did you get anything out of that brat?” He inquired on his usual, emotionless tone. To his question a somber shake of her head was the answer.

“I’m afraid whatever he said doesn’t make too much sense in my mind yet.”

Hanji simply couldn’t rid herself of the bothered, distressed expression that took over her features. Her back was hunched, and unexpectedly, she slumped down to the cold floor. The lightheadedness she’s been feeling caught up to her.

“What’s wrong, Four Eyes?” That nickname... It’s been such a long time. A bittersweet emotion curled a smile on her lips, one, that reminded her of times less complicated than the present.

“I’m tired, is all.”

With short yet hurried steps forward, Levi knelt down in front of her. Without any questions asked whatsoever, he placed his hand on her forehead, quietly _tsking_ once he realized what was going on. He gave her a look that chilled her to the very core, which needed no interpretation. Levi was annoyed with her.

“You have a fever. I’ll put you to bed.” He grumbled, throwing her left arm over his neck, lifting her body.

“Thanks, Levi.” Hanji buzzed, her brain gradually slowing down. All of her senses were a bit dull already, she could tell by how blurred the light of the candles were, or how heavy her limbs felt as she was trying to walk.

The next time she awoke, she was already in bed, wearing nothing but her underpants and a [sleveless, black top](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/71/24/e9/7124e9b742fc84675c00f81f1e6ee1ff.jpg). The entirety of her chamber was engulfed in a gloomy light provided by a single candle standing tall on the desk. The flickering, dancing yellow flames of it in the dark room made the shapes of the furnitures discernible, while fading all the colors to gray. The softness of her bed couldn’t be compared to the cramped cabin she’s spent the last few days in on the airship. As she rose from the anemity of her pillows, her insistent hazy vision spun her head, but as far as she could tell, everything was in order.

Well, actually, at a second glance, there was one thing.

Levi was relaxing on her rustic leather wing back armchair, arms crossed, sleeping. A white mask hid his nose, as well as everything else downwards. Along with that safety precaution , he was still wearing his uniform with that notorious light gray shirt on top. As a cover, he wore the Survey Corps’ green hooded cloak covered both of his shoulders, to keep him warm. Hanji thought it to be a dainty touch, as it wasn’t mandatory anymore to wear the cape. The equipment she wore prior to falling asleep was neatly folded on her desk.

“Neat-freak...” Hanji mouthed to herself, slowly placing her feet on the ground, sliding into her slippers. After a couple of additional glances at the peacefully slumbering Levi, she’s figured a cup of hot tea and a breath of fresh air would alleviate this terrible daze of hers.

The trip downstairs was thorougly supported by the handrails on the wall, singlehandedly the only factor of her success, as her eyesight was still bleary at best. For as long as she could remember her sight was mediocre at best and the course of time only made it worse. Four years ago the heat blast of Bertholdt’s transformation caused her to lose vision on her left, leaving her further impaired. The inability to see clearly due to the fever was a minor inconvenience. Hanji couldn’t feel the familiar strain of the eyepatch either , nor the hairtie that usually dealt with those chaotic, uncontrollable walnut colored locks of hers. The end of her hair was tickling her bare shoulders, and goosebumps formed on her skin due to the low temperature of the barracks.

Entering the spacious kitchen that used to serve hundreds of cadets was dauntingly barren. Not like anyone had any business down there at the dead of the night, anyways. She’s prepared a jar of tea leaves, readied additional herbs and edible flowers, got the fire started and sat the iron kettle filled with water to hang above the delicately bouncing, gleaming flames to boil. The heat of the tea Hanji was particularly fond of wasn’t too cold, but it wasn’t burning hot either. The gentle simmering of the kettle led her to strew a mixture of preferred ingredient into the sizzling water. Her eyes wandered the expansive room she wasn’t allowed to visit anymore, thanks to Levi. The memories of one of their cooking sessions together clogged her brain and the ringing cries of the kettle woke her from reminiscing. As she turned around to hastily remove the pot from the scorching blaze, she touched the handle with her bare hands, and immediately after she hurled the kitchen appliance across the room.

“Fucking shit! Ouch, ouch, ouch!”

Hanji clenched her burnt fingers in her fist, the sudden burn causing her to see stars. She was pacing up and down while biting her lower lip to stop her from further swearwords escaping her mouth. The loud crash-bang, clanging and rattling against the ground sounded like a detonation at such a quiet hour. She hunched over the bucket of cold water that sat in the corner of the room, quietly hissing over it. Hanji was so busy dipping her hand in the bucket that she didn’t even acknowledge the hasty footsteps behind her.

“Hanji?”

The familiar voice mumbled, tone still heavy with sleep. As she looked back above her shoulder to the figure at the foot of the stairs, it came to her attention that Levi, in fact, was holding a gun at her. All the noise she caused made him think someone was up to something in the barracks, probably, so for safety measures, he decided to bring along the pistol he was sleeping with. How cute.

He hesitantly lowered the gun.

“Tsk. Obviously it’s you.”

“If it was that obvious, why did you point a gun at me?” Hanji mused with that stupid loopsided smile of hers.

“I could still shoot you for waking me up.”

“So mean! You wouldn’t do that.” Hanji whined, turning away from him once again. The cold water was like a blessing on her sore fingers now.

“Try me.” Levi groaned with irritation. As far as she could tell, he was cleaning up the mess she’s just made. 

“Not like you’re a deep sleeper anyways.”

Silence stretched out in the kitchen as neither of them said another word. By the sound of it, Levi was mopping, while Hanji was kneeling on the ground, rubbing the sensitive skin dipped in water.

“I’ll make you the tea, clumsy woman.” It was Levi who broke the silence between them first. He stood tall behind her, laying his green cloak out on her shoulders to cover her bare skin. In that moment Hanji felt like the tension faded between them, atleast a little.

In her room once again, Hanji was sitting next to the open window, as Levi straight up forbid her to leave the barracks looking the way she did. His excuses included that she’d get sick and she couldn’t live up to the people’s expectations as a Commander if she couldn’t even stand straight. It’s not even that people would see her wearing absolutely nothing - no. It’s just the sickness. Obviously.

Hanji was sitting on the wide windowsill, one leg on the inside, the other out. White bandages were wrapped around three of her fingers as she held the white mug in her palm, sipping the mild chamomile tea as the balmy spring night’s fresh air ran through her nostrils. When she was in this position, it’s felt like everything was there for her that mattered. The people, no, _her people_ under her foot, and Levi on the other side, sitting cross-armed, his eyes cold and beaming.

“Your hair is shorter now.”

Hanji shrugged as the warm substance ran down her throat.

“It’s less trouble this way.”

The eye she’s lost was covered underneath her hair, nevertheless.

“You smile less these days, too.”

It was ironic to hear that from a man who was known to show emotion once a year. Thinking about unfriendliness and hostility, another memory surfaced itself in her mind once again.

_“...Alexithymia.”_

_“Alexi...What?”_

_“Alexithymia.”_

_He had his back to her that morning, as he drifted away sometime during the night. Hanji, for once, awoke before him, merely timed his breaths, counting the bumps of his vertebrae along his spine, absorbing the warmth and comfort of waking up next to him. He was within an arms’ reach; moving closer across the mattress, she huddled closer, the shape of her lips stroking the nape of his neck._

_It was an oddly calm morning. Grey rainclouds spotted the sky above them and the quiet pitter-patter of the rainfall lulled Levi to sleep. Hanji was most at peace knowing he could find his own rest, too._

_The conversation that played between them happened later when he was well awake already, and Hanji laid her head on his chest while Levi’s fingers ruffled her hair, legs intertwined. It was a sweetly nurturing position. During their casual morning small-talk, Hanji came up with a proposal as of what made Levi so distant and standoffish to most people._

_“Recently, I’ve skimmed through a book that profoundly described and illustrated different personality types. The academic professor who’s spent years conducting their research was...”_

_“To the point, Four Eyes.”_

_“Umm, so... I’ve read an interesting article on Alexithymia.”_

_“Alexi...What?”_

_“Alexithymia, Levi.”_

_Hanji jolted up from her laying position, her hair in little tufts due to moving around all night. A scientific fervor took over her. Her eyes gleamed like they always did when she was about to propose something kooky._

_“It’s a personality trait characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions experienced by someone. The core characteristics of Alexithymia is marked as a dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment and interpersonal relations.”_

_Hanji gabbled her monologue in one breath, a proud smirk beaming on her lips._

_“It means the lack of strong emotions. The lack of strong emotions can indicate emotional detachment or the presence of mental health or personality disorder. Emotional detachment is basically the avoidance of emotional connections, and it is often referred to as having a flat affect, which includes the lack of positive or negative feelings.”_

_Levi’s expression had not changed once._

_“However! I’ve also found that people with Alexithymia can, in fact, fall in love, but they don’t know how to show their affection. Based on the research of the academic professor’s research, their significant others can often find themselves in an emotional vacuum, where the most basic emotional needs aren’t met.”_

_Hanji was radiating knowledge, and Levi didn’t interrupt once._

_“You don’t have to worry about that, though. I’m actually perfectly happy in our relations-”_

_With a swift sit-up, Levi closed the distance between them. The gentle peck on her lips completely shut Hanji up._

_“Learn to talk less, smartass.”_

_His way with words often indicated annoyance, however, that slight smile curling his lips told her otherwise. It was always like that._

The memory ached and burned her heart. Levi consistently shut people out. His safety mechanisms were heightened and not to be messed with. In fact, Hanji was the only person on the planet who he allowed in.

“I’m just exhausted.”

It was a lot of responsibility to be a Commander. From an inquisitive titan-researcher she’s moved up the ladder to the leading position of an organisation that was responsible for the survival of their meager little island. Hanji was aware what she was appointed for; the unyielding desire for understanding, soughing freedom, for themselves, for the people, for everyone. However, it was a much more difficult task than Erwin made it look like.

“You’ve ever thought about why we decided to part that day?”

Right. It was a mutual agreement of theirs, when the responsibility of leadership collapsed on her shoulders. They both knew their personal life had no space in their lives anymore, and a relationship would only get into the way of the resurrection of the Survey Corps. Nothing would enjoy priority over it, not even a soulmate. In the first few months, she hated Levi, Erwin, she hated the whole world, everyone and everything in it. Then, ultimately, she’s grown numb to the pain, focusing on being the hearts and brains of the recruits as well as humanity itself.

“Every single day.” The short reply she mused indicated how sensitive the topic remained.

“...Do you think we’ve made the right decision?”

It was heartless of him to give her hope again. When their eyes met, immesurable agony and anguish sat on both of their faces. It’s been four years. Four years of knowing looks, restrictions, duties before personal life. Even though they both knew any day could be their last one.

They’ve stared at eachother for a short while before Hanji turned to watch the neatly lit city under her foot. Who would have thought Levi would be the one asking these questions from her one day.

The drawn out silence grew significantly with every second passing by, until Levi stood up from his seat, walking over to her. Hanji’s eyes shifted to him and she coud feel his calloused fingers stroking her thighs gingerly, right on top of those old marks the leather straps left on her skin permanently.

“Say something, Shitty Glasses.”

Hanji let a distressed chuckle loose. Shitty Glasses was a sobriquet she could never get rid of, it seemed.

“No. But there are things we don’t get to choose.” Her words were barely audible, slightly above a whisper, a secret of theirs and all the anguished lovers out there who were forced to be apart just because they were born into this insane world.

Silence sat between them once again. Only the motions of his hardened fingertips caressing her thighs was audible. Feelings she’s already forgotten surfaced in her yet again, and the knot in her throat complicated swallowing. There was no way on Earth Hanji could supress her emotions any longer. Her eyes were burning. After a defeated sigh, hot tears begun racing down on her cheeks, altering her eyesight. Levi’s hand clutched the back of her head, pulling her closer so her face was in the crook of his neck. Letting go of the cup she was so desperately clinging into, her fingers clasped into his shirt and some of the ugliest sobs known to mankind emerged out of her.

“I’m so damn tired, Levi!” Hanji’s voice broke as she was croaking into his neck. She didn’t expect answers from him - he’s never been a man of many words, anyways. Instead of expressions his actions spoke louder than anything else - even at the moment, as his fingers brushed her dark strands of hair in a comforting motion. “Once all of this is over, let’s leave. Let’s go somewhere quiet, together.”

Levi froze in motion and it caught Hanji’s attention too. It was considered rare for soldiers to live the age of retirement, but they have done enough, haven’t they? How much more death and suffering would they have to witness before they would collapse as well?

“Just the two of us?” He whispered into her hair, planting tiny kisses on her scalp as a means of soothing her. “Alright.”

The fingers that perilously gripped his shirt resisted to move an inch. Knowing that he was close to her sufficed Hanji.

“Make sure not to die until then, Four Eyes.” His voice was somewhat muffled over the mask he insisted on wearing for some reason. The proposal Levi made drove a short chuckle out of Hanji.

“Say.. What’s the mask for? Don’t you want to kiss me?”

Hanji buzzed, her tenacious grip easing before she ripped his favorite shirt. Their hands quickly found eachother, fingers intertwining.

“You have a fever. I don’t want to catch your shitty virus.”

A confused grimace sprouted on her lips.

“Did you know that chronic stress and exposure to emotional events can cause psychogenic fever?” Hanji explained in that standard scientific tone of hers. Some things really never changed.

“What are you trying to say?”

“All I’m saying is.... This fever is caused by psychological factors, and not a virus. Which means there’s nothing for you to catch.”

“Tsk. Good try, Shitty Glasses. Go and some sleep instead. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” Levi grumbled, distancing himself from her. Hanji deep down knew he wanted nothing more than to share a kiss once again, but at the same time, he _was_ a helpess clean-freak.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um, i hope you liked it ???? anyways, there will be a part two to this. probably won't end happily, but.. yeah.


	2. Fireplace Mantel

****In a few days time** **

Some afternoons in the past, Levi visited Hanji in her chambers to find her still in bed. That day was no different.

To her credit, she was fully dressed atleast in the black Survey Corps pants and a white button-up shirt, lying on top of the blanket with a jittery expression. Not even after an entire week’s time did her condition improve, which Levi presumed to be lies to ease his worries. In front of the court, Military Police officers, generals of different branches, generally people who had no business in her private life, Hanji seemed collected and proper, suitable for the high rank and responsibility she was assigned. However, behind closed doors, she always appeared shattered, the weight of their future breaking her ever thinning figure.

Once, a long time ago, while they were lounging on the couch in her office, Hanji had an interesting thought to share with him.

_As she was frantically reviewing a study she’s probably rendered a thousand times previously, her head resting in his lap, Hanji’s body sprung up into as sitting position, startling Levi. He was on the verge of choking the life out of her, when the loudmouth begun blabbering again._

_“You know, Levi, I’ve been wondering about something!” Hanji brooded, lips pouty as she huddled closer to him. She tilted her head on his shoulder, peeking up. “It’s a terrible curse to be humanity’s strongest soldier.” The excitement her voice carried faded, solemnity taking over. “It’s the most atrocious, heartless thing that could happen to anyone, to be frank. The role of the strongest... Is a lonely one. Because of their endurance and persevarance, they survive everything and they are forced to watch their comrades, allies, friends and loved ones wither away and die, let it be an injury or the blessing of a quick death... The strongest doesn’t die. As a result of that... They always end up alone.” Hanji’s eyes were fixated on their matching cups on the coffee table nearby. “It’s not entirely about the raw physical strength, but the unbreakable will to live and help others survive, too. It’s almost like... As if they made this role for you.”_

_Hanji never ceased to amaze Levi. After drawn out hours of exhausting and draining her brain with millions of unnecessary details, she could still propose a concept of the_ _preposterous nature of humanity._

In opposition with her old energetic and freethinking appearance, this side of Hanji seemed angry, stressed and ultimately exhausted. Whenever they’ve exchanged looks, Hanji resembled a broken husk, a vessel without soul, someone who prepared herself for the end of the world. Squinting up from her pillow she’s aimed a mushy, welcoming smile at him and Levi couldn’t resist the charm she engulfed him with. Lowering to the bed he untangled and smoothed her unkempt, messy hair with his long, slender fingers.

“Let’s ride out today, Four Eyes.”

Allowing themselves time to recharge wasn’t considered a sin, right? From the common folk to the noblemen, everyone’s had unique methods of rejuvenation. For some, sleeping was the ultimate answer while others set out to solicit prostitues. As for Levi, when his tight schedule allowed relaxation, he enjoyed complete stillness, the company of a pleasant story to read, warm tea or spending time with the people he cared about.

To his suggestion, Hanji huffed into her pillow. It was an order as well as something she couldn’t take lightly. As if anyone was in position to order the Commander around.

Well, in fact, he was.

“I’ll prepare your horse. If you won’t be by the stables in fifteen minutes, I’ll kick your ass down the stairs.”

Hanji acknowledged the words with a singsong-y “mhhhmmm” which was muffled by the pillow.

An hour later the two of them were riding outside of Wall Rose on a shabby, decaying dirt-road which had lain over the earth since the first of the Scouts’ who trampled the way clean for them. Amid the infinitely greened hills and trees towering above them the road stretched onwards, hugging the land, taking each turn in an easy stride. Their final destination was the decrepit castle that used to serve as the Headquarters of the Survey Corps before they were forcibly relocated to Trost district. The sight of the castle brought him back in time to the beginning, when him and his former squad were escorting Eren. Ever since the world opened up in front of their eyes and the titans weren’t a threat anymore, it was safe to reinforce and stabilize the stronghold. Under his command, the place had to be kept squeaky clean. The residents of the fortification were mostly scouts and explorers whose main focus was to report suspicious and unnatural sights across the land. That day though, on his order, no scouts were nearby to give them trouble.

Both of them were riding warm-blooded horses, tall, strong, athetlic steeds with a sensible attitude and plenty of enthusiasm. His’ was a mare, a spectacular obisidan mare, obedient and laid-back, while her’s was a graceful chestnut stallion with long, slender legs, muscular torso, mane unkempt in small tufts. After spending countless years on horseback, each of them were regarded as esquestrians, experts in the saddles. Side by side trotting without being in a lethal rush was a nice change. As Levi laid back in his saddle, his ears were filled with the rhytmic clip-clops of the pairs of hooves against the dirt, loud chirping of the birds, ambient scrambling of small animals in the forest encircling them. Even though mostly he enjoyed the silence, Levi could sense something wrong; Hanji didn’t say a single word during their trip. Not even once did she turn to him with manic eyes, initiating a monologue like, “Did you know....”

It worried him to the bone, even if he struggled to show it.

After the passing of another hour, Hanji was laying on a flowerbed of wildflowers and grass, a vivid symphony of green and white, eye exploring the sky stretching above them and the horizon far away in the distance. She’s insisted on staying out just a while longer, wholesomely enjoying the fresh, sanitive, familiar scent of the soil and the trees surrounding them. From the rich brown earthen hues of the forest ground to the sweetness of the blue-white sky, the forest was a three-dimensional wonderland for the eyes who were willing to absorb it’s light. As far as he could tell, they were about an hour away from nightfall, and the mild breeze on the wind wasn’t chilly, either. Day after day, he could see Hanji trying her damn hardest to put on elated, ecstatic expressions, aware of how worried he’d get once she stopped being the oddball she always used to be, but no matter how hard she pushed herself, Levi could always see through it. It was the smallest details of her that never lied; the missing crinkles from the corner of her eye when she faked a smile, how phony and atypic her tone was when people expected her to react in her usually peculiar way, even how her lips trembled as she swallowed the urge of breaking out in tears and insisted, “I’m fine.”

Levi was gazing at her laying frame, the way her chest rose and fell in a delicate, rested rhythm, an unmistakable reminder that Hanji was still in there somewhere, alive, fighting to live. Her warrior spirit remained ferocious and indestructible, right? It was just her body that relinquished in a moment of weakness, right? He wasn’t bound to sit idly and wait for another significant woman in her life wither away in front of his eyes, right?

He woke from his destructive thoughts when [Hanji shifted to face him](https://i.redd.it/482q5f8xedl51.jpg), a single streak of tear escaping her eye, wistfully sparkling in the golden rays caressing her cheeks. Though she stayed silent, that terribly haunted, hopeless visage of hers was blatant and clear. Tiny flowers surrounded her figure and Levi ached to reach for her; surrounded by the pale petals of death, he felt like Hanji was one foot in the grave already. Upon the forest floor so woven with ancient tree roots came a light filtered by the bouquet of foliage from above: softened, verdant and freshly aromatic. The brilliant rays of sunshine embraced her shape lovingly, highlighting the individuality she carried and conquered this world with.

More often than not, nightmares kept him awake at night, an endless cycle of hunger, starvation, poverty, filth and contamination. His mother on her dying bed, uttering some of her last words, apologizing for never being able to give him the life he deserved.

Levi felt like he was in her shoes now. If he has been a little stronger... A little quicker... A little better... Maybe he could have given Hanji the life she deserved.

Was it too late already?

Crawling closer to her he ripped one of the tiny flowers by the stem and wove it into her hair, a tad above her left ear. The constrast of her walnut strands with the petite alabaster blossom made for a breathless rhapsody. His heart sank deep into the pit of his stomach, and he urged himself to forget about Hanji’s dying figure. She wasn’t dead yet. He wouldn’t allow it to happen.

“These flowers... They absolutely reek.” Levi grumbled drily after smelling his fingers, coated in a thick musky scent. An inquisitive hum was audible from Hanji, as she turned to her side, sight focused on the bed of dainty flowers nearby. After a few seconds, realization struck her, and she jolted from her place. One of her hands was on the ground, squashing the petite things while the other covered her mouth as she coughed.

“I know what these are!” Hanji blurted enthusiastically, her doe-like eye beaming with expertise despite Levi’s disgusted expression. “They’re called wood anemones. Large expanses of it are the indicators of ancient woodlands, just like the forest that surrounds us right now. Unlike bluebells and other woodland flowers, they spread by colonising slowly as they extend their wormlike brown rhizomes through the leaf littered soil of the forest floor!”

Her soliloquy was full of strange hand-gestures and weird faces, but at last, it was genuine. Levi listened in an intoxicated awe, attentive of everything Hanji had to chime, even though he barely understood a word of her scientific mumbo-jumbo.

“They usually thrive in light shade, though in cooler zones, like the Northern forests of Paradis, I think they’d be able to grown in full sun as well.”

She contemplated, her body curving down to the flowers for further examination.

“The main characteristic of this flower is its showiness, as you can see. They’re very noticable regardless of their surroundings. Because of it’s musky scent, bees tend to ignore it, which means that generally all types of anemones rely on insects, especially hoverflies, when it’s about pollination. Isn’t that cool?”

God, whatever she was droning about was terribly tedious, but that blazing fire in her eye was worth every dull science fact. In her moments of silence, Levi pondered whether he’s ever seen brown eyes in the sun before. Hanji’s eye particularly, as it melted in the golden rays of the sun, circling an eclipse, reminding him a sunset of her own. The color was rich like chocolate and soft fur when she was happy, but when crossed, quickly became the rocks the ships shattered against in a storm.

“In one of the books I’ve read regarding the topic, I’ve learnt that some researchers referred to it as the “Flower of Death” because of it’s pale, ghostly appearance.”

A neverending cycle of remembering more and more things.

“Oh, oh! If I remember correctly, other animals will only eat the anemones if nothing else is available in sight, because it’s known to have an acrid taste. On one of the field trip’s notes, I’ve read that one crew-member attempted to eat it as well, but shortly after they’ve died. You know, they’re poisonous.”

The last sentence she gabbled froze Levi in place, though. It was poisonous? And that was the last thing she’s decided to mention? It touched her skin and her hands, and...

“Wait. Wood anemones are poisonous. Fucking shi-”

Almost immediately Hanji was on her feet, shaking the flower out of her hair and bolting right inside the stone fort towering above them. It didn’t take long for him to run after her.

The twilight outside right before the sunset painted the sky’s infinite canvas into diffused colors of pink, apricot and shades of sapphire and brilliantly red. It seemed lavish and extensive, fevered yet somehow soothing. It was tranquil and gorgeous, cloudless. It came as a tangible whisper of the stars to come out of their hiding. Poets would have characterized the twilight as if it was to sang its sweet lullaby to the hues of the daylight so that they may rest with starlit dreams.

Kneeling side by side in the master bedroom on the wooden floorboards, the dusk intruded through the windows. Hanji was cursing restlessly under her breath as Levi washed her hands and face, trying to relieve some of the skin irritation that the anemone caused. It made her skin blister and spotted it with reddish burnmarks. Despite the dermatological uncomfort of it, she seemed to be more or less fine.

“Why is it only the two of us, Levi?” noted Hanji avoiding eye contact, her parted bangs now tucked behind her ear, revealing the scar across her eyes. Water was dripping down from her nose and chin.

“I couldn’t stand anymore how you begun to fake everything just for the sake of everyone else. I figured some time away from them might correct your behavior.”

It wasn’t foolish of him to avoid mentioning the selfish reasons that led them here now, right? Selfishness had no place in their lives anymore, especially at dire times like the present. Deep down in his worry-filled heart he feared that as the war accelerated they would be stripped apart, maybe forever.

“So it was that obvious?” Hanji scoffed, wiping her chin with the cuffs of her shirt. Levi stopped her in motion, his right cupping her wet cheek.

“You’re a terrible liar and you can’t hide shit from me, Four Eyes.” He said, and both of them ended up laughing. It was a subtle, flustered laugh.

“You know, it’d be about time to stop calling me that. Three Eyes, which would be the appropriate name just doesn’t have the same ring, does it?”

Levi rose an eyebrow at her suggestion.

“Irrelevant. I do what I want to.” It was in fact, true. Hanji rolled her eyes.

“It looks pretty bad, right?” She inquired with a curious glimpse, and for a moment, Levi was unsure of what Hanji wanted to know. Did the red spots on her face look bad? Or was it the eye? He remained silent for a long second, drinking in her sight. The small, unhealed, white-ish scars on her cheeks, browbone, nose and chin gave her the appearance of a true veteran. Someone who fought restlessly for their freedom.

“Yeah. You’re gross.” He smirked, pulling her closer. When he kissed her, his lips were gentle. Unhurried, but thorough and slightly impatient even. Hanji shuddered as the shape of her lips kissed a slow line along his jaw until her lips were at his ear.

“And you.... You’re old.” One proud snicker and a dozen of placatory pecks later, Levi remained still, struck. Did she really say that?

“We’re both old, what do you mean, Shitty Glasses?” Levi sneered with a playfully cold glance.

“Yeah, but you’re ancient. Like a prehistoric fossil.” The words she’s whispered onto his lips were comical and flirtatious, a bit too cocky for her own good.

“This is abuse, you brat.” She smelled like soap and lemongrass, a fragrance he couldn’t oppose.

“And there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m your superior, after all.”

“Is that so?” He paused impishly, pulling away and leaving the room.

A couple of seconds later footsteps dashed after him, painting a permanent grin on his lips. Hanji was predictable.

“Want to have dinner?” He proposed as she caught up, and she crooned.

“Can I help you? We used to have so much fun in the kitchen together!”

“Definitely not.”

By the time he was ready with dinner, rich carrot-beef stew garnished with flat-leaf parsleys, stars shone above them like sugar spilt over black marble, glistening. The night sky was such a welcome sight, appearing like magic at each sunset, promising to return as she faded into the dawn’s first light. To Levi, the night sky was one of the utomost factors of peace; it was velvety, clear, eternal. Ordinarily unaffected by the war that was raging in their world.

“It might sound crazy, but....”

“Everything you say is crazy.”

“You’re overexaggerating again!”

“Just continue.”

“Alright, so.. I was going to say that...” As she began another monologue, her spoon rested in the bowl among the spicy, tenderly simmered, steaming stew. Her eyes gingerly scrutinized the blanket of darkness above. The obsession visible on her cheeks was the same he used to see when Hanji was rambling about the Titans. “When I was younger, I always wanted to fly. Originally, the night sky was how my wish came to existence. I found it to be the most exquisite art, alive with raw energy, a song for the human eyes. At times I felt as if I could feel it... Vibrating somehow, whispering in the way ears cannot hear... I guess it felt in a way.. Friendly, when the world was full of people devoid of love. I wanted to see it right and up close, in three dimensions, the sculpture of it’s divine hands as it elevated me above the clouds.”

As she cupped her cheeks tenderly, her eye tracing the star spotted sky, Levi’s heart ached. Hanji’s had these moments that were so pure, so innocent with childish enthusiasm that his heart just couldn’t take it.

“I guess the ODM gear somewhat fulfilled my wish, but the higher I went, the further the sky seemed to be.”

That illusory, romantic tone of her voice shook him to the core. It was moments like these that made his life worth living - what gave him a sense of direction, a sense of importance. A goal to pursue. A dream. Caught in the middle of a near death experience, he always thought about Hanji and those silly interpretations of hers about the world around them.

“...Levi?”

Thinking about Hanji was dangerous, more often than not it resulted in getting lost due to the overwhelming emotions he connected her to. Her voice, calling, woke him.

“Huh?”

“I was just curious whether you’ve had childish dreams like that.”

Levi _tsk_ ed. His rapidly beating heart threatened with breaking his ribs if he wasn’t careful enough. Hanji was phantasmagorical.

“No, never. Only you’re stupid like that.”

In reality though, there was one thing he dedicated himself to a long time ago. It was the simple wish of a lonely child who’s experienced the bitter cold of death way too soon.

He never again wanted to let go of a woman he loved.

“...You’re so boring, Captain.” She mumbled dissatisfied, finishing her dinner with greedy gulps.

“I guess I am.”

While Hanji scurried away for a quick shower solely on his command, Levi started a fire in the master bedroom downstairs, laying down onto an antique looking couch with a plum colored velvety cover. On the lavishly carved and decorated mantel stood an exquisite, antique looking clock, the chimes of which were just striking nine, the hour hand in a wispy coat of gold glistening in the bouncy flames that lit up the room. The remaining mantel space was filled with books with colorful spines and hastily drawn words, carved figures of a daschund and a cat, silver drinking cups, a handful of forget-me-nots and white tulips in a glass vase and a small oval portrait on ivory of a beautiful young woman, framed in richly chased gold, the inner rim set round with pearls. If he had to assume, it was one of the scouts’ belongings, a family member or maybe a lover.

Images loaded his mind of a place he could call home himself, with a beloved woman by his side. He wished for a cramped fireplace mantel like this, an expensive couch, fence that stood for a land of his own, a sleeping porch at the back of his home where they could lay with tangled limbs, staring at the immense infinity of the sky unfolding endlessly above them. Was it unusual of him to be thinking about things ordinary folk had? Was it okay for him to get so soft and idealistic?

“Hey.”

For the third time that day he forgot to notice Hanji’s arrival. His astonished gaze traveled to her unveiled, exposed silhouette standing in the doorway. The fireplace glowed with a radiant golden flame and her skin absorbed it, reflecting it strikingly. Curious eyes examined Hanji from her toes to her ears, drinking in the sight of every little scar, discoloration, flaw and wound scattered across her transcendent body. It was a sight he could get used to. This was a life he could rest in after the hardships of the past, on her side.

“What are you doing? You’re going to catch a cold.” He grumbled, shifting on the couch to sit. As she drew closer, an ingenious smirk curled her lips up.

“You better warm me up before that happens. Another week off duty and people will get suspicious.”

Levi _tsk_ ed.

“Like it’s my business what people say about you.”

“You’re my subordinate. What they say about me, they will say about you too.”

Hanji was too much of a smart-ass for her own good. When she took her rightful place his thighs as bare and uncovered as she was, his hands firmly slid to the back of her waist. The hardened tips of his fingers stroked her damp, hot skin warily. Before he could gnarl an answer, though, Hanji leaned down to him, smelling like lemongrass.

In contrast to their previous kisses, this one was urgent, hotter and deeper and clear in intention. She exhaled shakily as he pulled away to kiss a line down her chest, and then trailed back up again, never leaving her lips for more than a few seconds at a time. Gripping her hips firmly, he knew exactly where she was trying to go, and he simply succumbed to her will.

They held eachother tightly, almost desperately afterwards, rocking together gently, caressing eachother’s sweat spotted bodies. The warmth of the fireplace embraced both of their cheeks, ears, noses, flushing their skins into a shy, rosy hue. It was quiet, with hardly any noise but the crackle of the fire to break the rhythm of their mingled breaths. Levi recovered first, brushing back some of her hair and kissing her until she was breathless, until they were both laughing into eachothers mouths like stupid kids in love. They faced eachother, Hanji laying on his chest, sharing kisses and soft touches until she closed her eyes. He drank in the stillness of her like that, how her eyelashes fluttered in the pale moonlight.

In that moment, he could swear they were sharing a heartbeat.

“No place has ever felt like home until you started to leave your gadgets on my desk and boots by my door.”

Levi mused, sharing a secret. Hanji slightly opened her eyes, a stupidly proud smile sitting on her flushed cheeks.

“I love you.”

Hanji breathed, staring into his soul with those doe-like cognac eye of hers.

It was at times like this he certainly knew they were made for eachother. Words were only crude tools of emotion and over that, she’s won his heart a long time ago. When he was with Hanji, his soul was naked, falling in love more and more. If he would be given a new life, he would only seek her, as she was the center of everything: his sun in the sky and the light that was so freely given, the moon in her dappled beauty in perfect synchrony with her heavenly delicacy, elevating his soul to a higher plane.

“Hanji?” He called on a low voice, playing with her hair, lightly twirling it around his index finger. A comfortable hum was audible. “Why were you crying in the afternoon?”

She kept her eyes closed and bit down on her lip.

“The neverending passage of time came across me. Even though I know nothing stays the same forever, when I was laying amongst the wood anemones, I wished to stay like that with you, frozen in time. I can’t wait for this war to be over so we can start our life together.”

The confession was short, making his heart tremble in his chest. As their lips pressed together for a final time, he felt they were infinite like the sky they ached to touch.

────────────

A lonely letter waited for him on his desk as he’s entered his room.

The air became heavy and dusty in his absence.

Powdery particles sat on the shelves, desks, bedframe and handles.

As he’s approached the wooden furniture, hastily written, familiar letters spelled the name “Levi”.

His fists clenched and the urge to cry washed over him.

He was not ready.

_Not yet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely hope you've enjoyed this melancholic piece of candy and i hope it didn't make you too sad. also, i apologize if i couldn't stay true to their characters entirely - i feel like in this universe hanji's lost a lot of her colors and quirks. which makes me really sad but w/e. anyways, thanks for reading.  
> if you want to read more, i must warn you: the spin-off letter has manga spoilers to a certain extend. so take care with reading!


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